Pickles & Praise

The tranquil ambiance of a well-lit Christmas tree fills the room tonight. One of my favorite Spotify stations, “Coffeehouse Worship”, is playing so that the melody dances lightly across the room but almost inaudible. Slowly I grab my laptop and “start-her-engine”. Unsure of what exactly is going to spill from my fingertips I wait in anticipation. I have been so full of words lately, but also wrestling with how to string them together to make sense. So sit, we must, until this blank screen unveils itself of what content needs to fill it’s pages and reveal it’s purpose. Occasionally my head and my heart both want to say something, but just can’t seem to manage to come to an agreement on what. In times “such as this” I stand between and assist as “middle-man” and “mediator” between my head and heart. An odd sentiment isn’t it? Do you ever do that?

Maybe I should start with a confession and a story.

I was listening to one of my favorite pastors on YouTube a couple of days ago, Matt Chandler. I’ve hear him say this before, but this time he said it in one of his series circa 2021 (The Advent of Love). It was a quote that caused my attention to snap off of the road so that I could tap the screen and press that ten-second-replay button to hear the repeat of his words again… I wish I could go back and quote it exactly but the gist of the phrase was that we as a people “try to morally purchase an encounter with God.” Whoa… I paused… because I unintentionally do that SO often. I think if I do this or that in a good approving way … then God will then bless me and show me grace and favor…. but we know that SCANDAL of the GOSPEL is undeserved grace poured out on us not because we deserve it … but because Jesus died for it and paid the price long before we could do anything to deserve his grace and favor.

The thing I am most guilty of is trying to fit God into speaking to me in my time frame or schedule. The delivery looks something like “I am going to fast for a few days and if you could speak to me during that time I will be listening intently.” Isn’t the reality that WE should always be ready to see Him and hear Him on HIS timeframe? For goodness sake, He is the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE and I find myself praying for HIM to work on HIS relationships with HIS children and how I think my life plan should work out. I’m so thankful He has a sense of humor and that he is so patient with me.

I did decided to fast the other day but not FOR anything particular. This time I prayed and said I was fasting for the sake of just being with him in his presence and if he chose to speak to me, fine but if he didn’t, also fine. The next day was the day of fully fasting and I started strong reading the word and praying for my day. “Lord send me to who needs me, and please send me to who I need today.” I deep cleaned and organized my home. I made space to “be still” and silent just soaking in his presence and goodness… For those of you who know me… yes… I CAN be silent…

I listened to a few pastors and speakers throughout the day and a few times just prayed through some things and talked them out with Jesus. I like to speak to Him just like he’s my best friend sitting on my couch watching me clean and gab. I complained a little I questioned a little… I like to think I praised more though. Then I realized I thought I felt … empty? distant? away? I realized I didn’t feel like I felt God with me that day despite my prayers and conversing. So I asked him. Why don’t I feel you as closely? Usually when I fast it’s different… Something that has been taught to me is to combat those “feelings” with wisdom. So I thought… “The Bible says that you NEVER leave me nor forsake me… so while I don’t feel you I KNOW that you are near.” As I continued to pray I was stopped. So vividly in my spirit he spoke to my heart and ended with … “I will make a way…” It was enough to stop my inner rambling and sit in the moment that seemed to be 5 minutes long but was, in fact, only a few short seconds until … “DING” my phone went off in the other room only to confirm what had just happened. A friend shared a song with me. (We’re both music people so this isn’t abnormal) but the title of the song was “Make a Way” by Elevation worship…. Now if that isn’t something… I don’t believe in coincidences anymore… How crazy, amazing, awesome, and inspiring is God … in one moment he reminded me that he’s always listening, always moving, and always working. “One moment with God can change and entire lifetime.” In this case five words changed the outlook of my entire day. He’s just that good.

Be blessed friends ❤